so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
