Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
