I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
