Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
