So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
