i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
