I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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