at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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