toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
