I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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