I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
