I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
