We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
