do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
