maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
