this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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