I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
