i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
