I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
