I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
