yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
