I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
