A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
