Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
