its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
