How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had to cum in my sink.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
