I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
