2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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