His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
