i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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