addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
