She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
