He kissed a someone with a penis
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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