Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
