check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
