Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
