Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
