he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All the doctor said was why
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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