Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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