is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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