she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
