Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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