tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
