im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
