i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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