apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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