I cannot find my penis.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
