I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
