remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
