we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
