turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
