Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
