Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
