Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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