The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
