Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
