You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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