I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
